Forgotton Memories Is this a dream?
by UmmMe
Summary: After Breaking Dawn, Bella and Edward are happy until one day Bella remebers EVERYTHING that happened when she was catatonic and she is convinced that she is still catatonic and is Dreaming... She doesn't believe anything that has happened since then...
1. Preface

_**Forgotten Memories**_

Ever since Edward came back all that time ago I haven't really thought about _that time, those months;_ I had never really remembered what had happened that first week, or much after I was in a 'Catatonic' state as the doctors told Charlie I just thought as it as being a zombie, I was truly dead inside that was when I realised how much I truly needed Edward, not just how much I _wanted_ him how much I _needed_ him, he is, after all, my life, my soul, my heart.


	2. Chapter 1 Remembering

Chapter 1:

It was a good day, so far, the Sun was out so as me and Edward hunted our pale skin sparkled like a thousand diamonds glittering against the ground. He was as beautiful as ever in a pale grey t-shirt that clung nicely to his muscles and a pair of Khaki shorts which showed his glittering skin of perfectly. His bronze hair glistened in the sun too showing all the shades of red, gold and brown, I couldn't help but stare. What had I done to deserve such angel? Truly I wasn't good enough for him was I? That moment he turned his head to look at me, his face still dazzled me even as a vampire. I hadn't got over that yet and I didn't know if I ever would. He looked deep into my eyes, smiled my favourite crooked smile, took my face in his glittering hands and kissed me. Then he whispered in my ear

"Let's hunt!"

Then we broke in to run following the strong scent of Mountain lion over in the north, a lot of them today, we would both get a good meal; that was good. Mountain lion was both our favourites, the first time I hunted after I had turned into a Vampire I found a mountain lion and drank it's blood but it was a very messy affair and I had my dress completely ripped to shreds (Alice _still_ won't let it go) since I had become a more mature vampire hunting was much easier and less, messy. Edward even said it was quite graceful I got a bit embarrassed when he said that I got very self-conscious when he watched me hunt, I didn't like him to see me like that but there was no point trying to stop him watching me, he never would, so I would just have to take it as a compliment.

We reached the spot where the mountain lions were they were mostly hanging on low branches in the trees, good; it was harder for them to run whilst they were in the trees. We each picked a lion, crouched into our pouncing position and launched our self's at them. Edward was also unbelievably graceful. He gently glided through the air and landed on the lion as he lent toward it he looked as if he was going to kiss it, not drink his blood. When he finished he gently raised and lightly stepped of the branch and landed on his feet, yet again ever so gracefully. When I finished I did exactly the same.

After we had finished hunting Edward suggested we go to our meadow. I loved our meadow it was the only place I felt truly alone; even though a lot of things had happened here it still was a very special place. It held many memories for me, like the first time I saw Edward as his true self sparkling, glistening in the sunlight all that time ago, it felt like a lifetime ago because it was one of those fuzzy human memories, as I became an older Vampire the more I thought about the memories the more they became less fuzzy to me.

It was then that it happened; that my happy, wonderful, _perfect _life ended. How would I know that such an insignificant clearing could ruin my life? I stopped with a sudden jolt as my feet locked to the ground and my head spun violently as I remembered as clear as if it was happening now what happened _back then_....

I remember running around this forest searching for him, trying to yell his name but nothing would come out. His words circled my head like a broken record, this is the last time you will see me, and it's as if I never existed.... It hurt to even think about it the pain built up inside me as I ran round searching for him for even a trail he had left, nothing; just nothing! The sky grew dark and I eventually fell and just couldn't pull myself up, I didn't have the energy, or the will. What was the point my life was over anyway; what would it matter if I never got up again. If I never spoke again. If I never _breathed_ again. I heard my voice being called; I was sure that was in my head too, no-one cared about me anymore so I just disregarded it and went back to trying to figure all this out... I must have lay for hours there. After what seemed a life time another voice called my name, then a light; it was blinding a brightness disrupting my Darkness. This can't be in my head can it, it_ felt _real, and why would I imagine this I just wanted to be left to die alone...

"I've found her! She's here!" a relieved, deep yet calm voice called into the darkness. More relieved whispers came from through the dazzling darkness. Suddenly I was whisked up from the ground into someone's arms. This person was very hot, like they had a fever but worse, I never really noticed before but thinking back he was rather hot. He carried me through dark trees and ferns till we reached a cluster of lights and mumbling voices. Someone came running toward us "Bella? Are you ok? What happened? Oh Bella!" a worried, upset voice called –Charlie- I couldn't get words out, I just wanted to get up and say I'm ok even though I was slowly and painfully dying inside, just make him feel better, I must be horrible to do this to people I loved... Charlie and Renee deserved a better daughter, _he_ and his family obviously realised they deserved better as well, that's why he didn't want me, why did he _ever_ want me I'm not special, pretty, overly intelligent, different or good inside I'm just horrible, _dead_. I was so sidetracked in my thinking, me finally seeing the truth that I hadn't realise Charlie was now holding and struggling to carry me to the house, I would have tried to get up to walk but I just couldn't walk, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I just physically couldn't. All I could remember _was this is last time you will ever see me, as if i never existed_... I tried to push them out of my mind but I couldn't, a giant hole was forming in my torso write through the middle of me breaking me to pieces. I tightly clung to the side of my body trying to keep myself in one piece for Charlie's sake; he shouldn't have to deal with me like this.

"Don't cry sweetheart. Were home now sweetie." Charlie said whilst trying to fumble around with the keys to open the door and carry me at the same time. Was I crying? I hadn't realised, Oh what does it matter, my life is over anyway all i have left to look forward to is darkness, never-ending black.

"I can take her, while you open the door, give her here."

"No thanks Sam, I don't want to let go of her I just can't lose her again. Thanks for all your help though." Charlie said "Thanks everyone, really you can leave if you want now I will just put her to bed, thank you so much." He raised his voice slightly on this last bit, his voice breaking on the last few words.

When we got inside it all got worse....


	3. Chapter 2 Lost

Chapter 2:

There were lights everywhere and a giant crowd of people along with them. If I wasn't slowly and painfully dying inside then I would have been very embarrassed. Sam held the door open with one arm out as if to catch me when Charlie's arms failed. Charlie carried me carefully through the door stumbling as he tried to get into the sitting room and he laid me carefully on the couch.

"Dad I'm all wet" was all I managed to get out. "That doesn't matter. Don't worry sweetheart" he whispered gruffly to me whilst he settled me gently into the couch. He treated me as if I could brake if he so much as breathed, that reminded me too much him, I broke into tears again and I could see the pained look on Charlie's face, he didn't know what to do to comfort me. I was so horrible, how could I put my own father through all this pain. "Blankets are in the cupboard at the top of the stairs." Charlie was speaking to someone else now. That same moment Dr Gerandy was towering over me, I was used to the beautiful pale-faced, angel of a Doctor, Carlisle, Ow that hurt, my heart was aching- I shouldn't let myself think of them.

"Bella?" the new voice asked. Looked up at the towering figure with scraggly grey hair, it sort of shocked me the difference between him and, a lump formed in my throat, Car-li-sle, that hurt it took me a few seconds to recover and realise who it was.

"Dr Gerandy?" I mumbled in my frequent visits to the hospital I had seen him a few times.

"That's right dear, are you hurt, Bella?" he said

It took me a while to think about it, of course I was hurt I slowly dying inside. A painful hole was ripping through my torso each second I thought about him it got bigger and the rough edges burned through me. I doubt that is the answer he wanted and I really didn't want a fuss, I wanted peace to be alone with my thoughts. Also I was confused Sam Uley had asked a similar question in the woods but only it was slightly different: _Have you been hurt?_ Somehow the difference seemed significant but I wasn't up to working it out now. Dr Gerandy was waiting one grizzled eyebrow raised; wrinkling his forehead I think I was taking a bit too long to think this through.

"I'm not hurt" I lied the words were true enough for what he needed to know.

His warm hand – yet again weird I was used to a cold hand touching me when doctors were concerned- his fingers pressed against the inside of my wrist, I watched his face while he counted my pulse on his watch.

"What happened to you?" he asked casually. I froze in place and started to panic. What was I supposed to say? Well my vampire boyfriend left because his brother tried to kill me when I started bleeding and I was so obviously not good enough for him and the whole brother wanting to kill me was just the excuse he needed to get rid of me, I don't blame him me compared to him. I so obviously never deserved such a God, but now he is gone my life is over, my soul has gone my reason to live vanished so now I am slowly and painfully dying inside. Oh and I almost forgot, there is a giant whole ripping inside of me, the rough edges are burning away at me and every time I think of _him... _No I don't think so.

"Did you get lost in the woods?" he prodded. There was other people listening; I could tell. Three russet skinned men – obviously from La Push, I think- Sam Uley among them, they were standing close together staring at me with wide eyes, waiting for an answer I guessed. Mr. Newton and Mike and Mr. Weber Angela's father – I would be embarrassed if I could feel at all- they were all staring at me more intently than the strangers. I could hear more voices some from the kitchen and others outside the front door. Half of Forks must have been looking for me and obviously hadn't heard Charlie's request for them to go home.

Charlie was closest to me he leaned in slightly to hear my answer- I had to answer soon or they would start to get worried.

"Yes I got lost." I whispered it was the loudest my voice would go. The doctor nodded, thoughtfully and started to prod my jaw. Charlie's face hardened. I started to worry what was he thinking, I couldn't have him thinking badly of-of... _him_. It wasn't his fault I was no good for him that I had just been an unfortunate blimp in his existence.

"Do you feel tired?" the Doctor asked.

I nodded and closed my eyes obediently, maybe everyone would leave if I was tired and wanted to sleep.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with her." I heard Dr Gerandy mutter to Charlie. "I will come to check on her tomorrow," he paused and what I thought was he looked at his watch, "Well, later today actually." He added with a slight chuckle. There was a load creaking sound as the pair of them gently lifted off the couch and got to their feet.

"Is it true?" Charlie whispered I guessed he was trying not to let me hear but it wasn't working I could hear all too well, unfortunately. "Did they leave." Their voices were farther away now and it was getting harder to hear but I _wanted_ to know, I know it would kill me but I _needed_ to know...

"Dr Cullen asked me not to say anything." He paused "The offer was, very sudden; they had to choose immediately. Carlisle didn't want to make a big production out of leaving."

"A bit of warning might have been nice." Charlie grumbled bitterly.

Dr Gerandy sounded very uncomfortable when he answered; I knew what he was talking about before he said it.

"Yes, well, in this situation, a bit of warning would have been called for."

That was enough; the pain was getting unbearable just mentioning them made the whole get bigger it was like it was feeding on my pain. I felt around for the quilt Sam had laid on top of me while Dr Gerandy was checking me over I found it and pulled it over my ears to block out the voices- and the pain- but being alone with my thoughts wasn't much better.

As all the words _he_ had said to me span through my head I thought about what he meant, where he really was now; hoping he wouldn't feel guilty for leaving, it's not his fault he doesn't love me. I thought about going to find him; but where would I start and I don't think I could bring myself to leave Forks it was the last thing I had to remember him. If I moved somewhere else, somewhere non-familiar, somewhere he had never been, somewhere I couldn't imagine him being in, would I ever be able the remember him, his voice, his face, his body, his touch, they way he smiled at me, the way I felt when he kissed me. All of this, gone, no I couldn't bear that I would stay here it was inevitable. As I drifted back into awareness I heard Charlie thank the helpers and say goodnight, or good mourning it should be as each one left. He touched my head a few times and the weight of another blanket stopped my train of thought. The phone rang a few times and Charlie rushed to it so it didn't wake me but I couldn't sleep in this state, best just to let him think I was sleeping I didn't want him to worry any more than he already was. He muttered reassurances to the callers in a low whisper.

"Yeah we found her. She's okay. She got lost. She's fine now." He muttered over and over again.

The springs in the armchair went when he finally settled for the night. Then a few minutes later "Ring, ring" the phone rang again, I remember thinking _God not again, won't everyone just leave us alone, IM FINE! _Fine meaning well physically to other people I guess I am ok but inside I'm splitting in two, my heart isn't beating anymore, and oh yeah, My reason for living, my whole existence doesn't want me and has left me and I have no idea where he is or if he is ok but other than that yeah, pretty good thanks.

Charlie groaned and struggled to get to his feet, then rushed, tripping quite a lot- like me- to the kitchen. I didn't want to listen to the same conversation again so I pulled the quilt over my head and buried myself in it.

"Yeah." Charlie yawned

Then his tone of voice changed he was much more alert now "Where?" he paused "You're sure it's outside the Reservation?" there was another pause I was trying to listen now "but what could be burning out _there_?" Burning? What, I wanted to know more; somehow it felt significant in some way. Charlie sounded like I felt, worried and mystified. "Look I'll call down there and check it out."

I listened, intrigued while he dialled a number.

"Hey, Billy, its Charlie- sorry I'm calling so early... No, she's fine, she's sleeping... thanks but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says that from her second-storey building she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn't really.... Oh!" All of a sudden there was an edge of irritation to his voice or was it anger...what does it matter. "And why are they doing that? Uh-huh. Really?" his tone had changed to sarcasm "Well don't apologize to me. Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don't spread ... I know, I know, I'm surprised they got them lit in all this weather."

Charlie hesitated, and then added grudgingly. "Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up. You were right- they do know the forest better than we do. It was Sam who found her, so I owe you one... Yeah, I'll talk to you later," he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.

Charlie muttered something as he made his way back to the living room where I waited, wondering what he meant by burning and don't apologize to me and why he was so angry.

"What's wrong?" I asked, that sounded weak even to me, I would definitely have to work on my voice if I was ever going to get through this because I would never feel happy again wait no that's too mild I would never feel again well at least nothing but pain. Now but I couldn't do that to Charlie, to see his face in pain every time I spoke, no that's cruel, he doesn't deserve that. I will _try_, for Charlie.

He hurried to my side.

"I'm sorry I woke you honey." _He_ was sorry. Why should he be sorry? This is _my entire_ fault!

"Is something burning." My voice was still weak sort of groggy, you could tell I had been crying, but I wasn't prepared to start working on m voice _just_ yet, but soon, I owe it to him.

"It's nothing," he tried to assure me "Just some bonfires out on the cliffs."

"Bonfires?" my voice still dead, flat not one ounce of curiosity in it.

Charlie frowned "Some of the kids from the reservation being rowdy." He explained I could tell he was trying to hide something and was hoping I wouldn't ask but I needed to know, I don't know why I just felt I did.

"Why?" I asked dully.

I knew he didn't want to answer. He looked down to the floor under his knees. "They're celebrating the news." His tone was bitter

I knew exactly what he meant by 'news' there was only one piece I could think of, one piece I cared about, even know I tried not to think of it at all. It all clicked then I remember my thoughts exactly, they're celebrating the fact that the –gulp- Cullen's left! That my life has gone, my heart, my soul EVERYTHING! I was screaming in my head with rage how could they be _celebrating_? How dare them! I felt like getting up racing over there and yelling at them but I didn't have the energy or the will. All I could manage was a slight whisper "Because the Cullen's left, they don't like the Cullen's in La Push- I'd forgotten that." It took everything I had to say there name without crying and falling to pieces I noticed my hand was wrapped so tightly round my ribs to keep me together that it was hurting, but this pain was nothing compared to the raging hole inside me.

The Quileute's had their superstitions about the "cold ones," the blood-drinkers that were enemies to their tribe, just like they had their legends about the great flood and there wolf-men ancestors. Just stories, folklore, to most of them. Then there were the few that believed. Charlie's good friend Billy Black believed even though his own son Jacob thought it was just a stupid scary story. Billy had warned me to stay away from the Cullen's... Little did Jacob know that his dad wasn't completely crazy, they were, vampires.

He name stirred something inside me, something that began to claw its way to the surface, and something I didn't want to face... I couldn't face it at all I would just fall to pieces and die. I would have no choice but to give up...

"It's ridiculous," Charlie spluttered yet again interrupting my thoughts; it brought me back to reality, or whatever reality I was close to. We sat in silence for a moment, the sky was no longer black, and behind the rain the sun was beginning to break through. The next question I was not prepared to answer or to deal with the effects of it....


	4. Chapter 3 Catatonia

**Chapter Three**

"Bella?" Charlie asked I knew something bad was going to happen I just didn't realise quite how bad all this would be.

I looked at him uneasily, worried.

"He left you alone in the woods?" Charlie guessed. I knew exactly _who_ he was talking about and I really didn't want to talk about _him._ So I deflected his question.

"How did you know where to find me?" my mind shied away from the inevitable awareness was coming quickly now.

"Your note," Charlie answered puzzled. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, it looked as if he had opened it up and folded it back again at least 100 times, it was dirty and damp too. He unfolded it again and held it up as if it was evidence. The messy handwriting on it looked remarkably like mine.

_Going for a walk with Edward, up the path, Back soon B._ It said even reading his name hurt.

"When you didn't come back, I called the Cullen's and no-one answered." Charlie muttered in a low voice briefly glancing at my face when I winced at the name _Cullen's_. Then I called the hospital, and Dr. Gerandy told me Carlisle was gone." He said the last bit with an edge of anger also like he was shocked.

"Where did they go?" I mumbled

He stared at me shocked and appalled "Didn't Edward tell you?"

I shook my head hiding the pain on my face when his name was spoken it unleashed the thing clawing inside me – a pain that knocked me breathless , astonished me with a force so powerful I was shocked I didn't scream.

Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered. "Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him." Sunny L.A the last place they would go. It made me remember the nightmare I had with the mirror the sun glittering of his skin-

Agony ripped through me at the thought of him, I screamed in my head.

"I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods!" Charlie insisted he was getting irritated now.

But the mention of his name sent another wave of torturous pain through me, as I shook my head, frantically, desperate to escape the pain, my breathing became short, quick breaths. "It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house... but I tried to follow him." I said ashamed while trying to block out the pain.

Charlie started to say something; childishly I covered my ears "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room." I said before I couldn't talk anymore.

Before he could answer I scrambled up from the couch and sped up the stairs.

Some had been here to leave a note for Charlie, a note that would help him find me. The second I learned this, a horrible thought began to grow inside my head. I rushed into my room, shutting and locking the door frantically behind me. I scrambled across the room to my CD player by my bed.

Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it. I pressed down the top of the CD player, holding my breath hoping I was wrong. The latch un-hooked and it opened slowly- too slowly...

It was empty.

The album Renee had given me sat on the floor exactly where I had left it. I lifted the cover with my shaking hand.

I didn't have to look further than the first page. The little metal corners no longer held the picture of my love in place. The page was blank except for my handwriting scrawled across the bottom: _Edward Cullen, Charlie's Kitchen, Sept 13__th__._

I stopped there, I was sure that he would have been thorough- too thorough- I just sat there staring at the blank page where my happiness had once lain.

_As if I'd never existed_, he'd promised me.

I fell to the floor and felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, then my palms, and then pressed it against the skin of my cheek. It felt good significant somehow I don't know why but _this_ floorboard was special it was a reminder - but how?

I hoped I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The pain just lapped at me before now. Now they reared high up and washed over my head pulling me under, there was no escaping this pain.

I did not resurface.

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I must of lay there on the floor for about 6 hours before Charlie came and knocked on my door

"Bella? Are you awake?" he asked wearily

I just lay there, silent not moving, not speaking, barely breathing.

"Bella? Are you in there? Bella?"

Nothing.

"Bella I know you're there answer please!" he begged me I felt sorry for him but I couldn't stop thinking long enough to answer him, the pain wouldn't let me.

"Bella, I know you're upset but just answer me I need to know if you're..." he didn't finish but I knew what he meant. My own father thought I could kill myself, if I wasn't in so much pain already I would get upset at that.

"Bella, please answer!" he pleaded I could hear the pain in his voice. Me being in pain put him through pain. This was getting out of pain I couldn't put Charlie through this with me.

"Mmm" I managed to groan out. It's all I could manage it would have to do. It seemed to please Charlie he hesitated at the door for a bit before I heard his footsteps down the stairs. I don't know how long later -it seemed like forever with the never ending pain and his words going round my head over and over, the memories of him re-playing over and over making the pain increase each time I saw his perfect god-like face- Charlie came up the stairs and knocked on my door

"I brought you some food Bella; I will leave it outside the door for you. It's here when you want it."

I didn't want food, I didn't deserve food. I had ruined part of his and his family's life, I had put them in danger; ripped them apart, been a complication and now I was upsetting Charlie, my father, too. How could I be so thoughtless? So ignorant? So cruel?

I just lay there motionless thinking of things. Not able to move I could barely remember to breathe. Charlie came up again and pleaded with me to eat but I wouldn't. He came up every 30 minutes or so and begged me to eat or at least drink but I wouldn't budge. The night came round again and Charlie was worried I hadn't done _anything all day_. He finally, unwillingly made his way to bed. I didn't sleep all night when he woke in the morning I was still in the same position I had been in the night before, lying cheek pressed up against the hard floor. Charlie knocked on my door with a new lot of food and water and begged me to eat but I just lay still, lifeless, _dead_.

The day passed slowly, the same memories going round my head making the pain unbearable. The next morning Charlie came up and there was a load bang.

"Isabella Marie Swan! I don't like doing this, I know what you are going through but if you don't come out of here I am removing the lock and coming in myself! You need to eat, drink do something just I need to see you are ok! So what is it going to be?"

He sounded serious and I didn't want to upset him even more, and I still wanted the lock on my door just in case, so I begrudgingly got up as I did I tumbled over, I had been in the same position for almost 3 days I was so stiff. I tried again and used the bed for support, my cheek ached but it was nothing compared to the pain growing bigger each second in my chest, as I moved the edges burned against me and made me have to walk with my arms pressed so tight to my ribs each side my fingertips started to turn white and they shook. I slowly dragged my feet across the room unlocked the door and weakly pulled it open. As I did Charlie's eyes widened and he gasped. What? Did I look that bad? I must of.

"Bella, Oh My, come with me you should get a shower to make yourself feel better." He said as he towed me to the bathroom. "I will be just outside, waiting to help when you have finished." He closed the door over and I was there standing in front of the mirror, I even shocked myself when I looked in the mirror. I was hunched over clinging to my sides; my cheek where I had been lying on it was raw red with a big line down the middle of it. My hair was a tatted mess like a birds nest on my head and I had big purple bags under my lifeless, dead, emotionless eyes which were red and puffy with the crying- had I been crying more, I hadn't noticed, maybe I had- my skin was so pale (except for my cheek) I could pass for, well, one of them. Don't think of them Bella it hurts too much I thought to myself. Charlie tapped on the door that second and passed his round the door with a new set of clothes. I was still wearing the ones I had been wearing _that day_ at the end. I took them and through them on the floor while I closed and locked the door. I undressed and put the shower on, the hot water felt good on my stiff body, it un-loosened my muscles and the familiar scent of strawberry shampoo was slightly- very slightly- relaxing. The water even helped the hole in my chest to stop burning at the edges so much, the pain was still there but I was distracted and that helped me. But that feeling couldn't last long as the hot water ran out so did the numbing feeling. I quickly dried dressed and ragged a brush through my hair. I was still pale but I wasn't as hunched over anymore and my eyes weren't as puffy but they still had purple bags underneath them. My cheek had faded to a light pink now and the line was less visible but all-in-all I still looked a mess, but who cared, there was no-one to look good for, my life was gone, my soul, my everything.

I walked outside and Charlie was waiting there he took hole of my elbow and led me down the stairs, he told me to sit on the sofa and he would get me some food. I wasn't hungry at all so I lay down and pretended to sleep. After a while there was no need to pretend I was so tired I hadn't slept in days. I woke with a fright screaming and thrashing on the couch, Charlie was standing over me shaking me trying to wake me from this nightmare.

"Bella, it wasn't real honey, what happened? What was it?"He asked me sounding very worried

I couldn't speak I was hyperventilating and I clung tightly to my sides to keep me together the pain it was unbearable. Charlie rocked me in his arms awkwardly, until that reminded me too much of when _he _did that to me and I pulled away and lay my head down and pulled the quilt Charlie must of lay on me while I was sleeping. He got up and re-settled himself on the chair and went back to sleep. I tried to focus on his snoring and count each breath he took to keep me from thinking of _him_, I had realised that being distracted from thinking of him would help the pain it wouldn't completely leave, not yet at least, but it would numb it and that was better than nothing. As morning came round Charlie woke and tried to get me to eat or drink I still wouldn't so I turned over and curled into the sofa with the quilt over my head and closed my eyes so violently tight that when I opened them everything was black and blurry.

I drifted in and out of consciousness with all the things in my head going round it was hard to stay conscious. Days past and I still lay in the same position on the sofa; I barely slept in case the nightmare came back Charlie kept asking me to eat, to drink, to do _something_ but I didn't move, It was as if all the life had been sucked out of me. When really my reason to live had just left because I wasn't good enough for him, which I knew all along but it was still hard to hear even now when I said it to myself.

Dr. Gerandy came to see me and checked me over; Charlie was fretting through the whole thing. He and Charlie stepped into the hall way to talk about my "condition"

I only heard a bit of what they said.

"Is she ok doctor? She won't eat, drink or get a shower she doesn't even move. Sometimes I'm not sure if she is even alive anymore! What is wrong with her?" Charlie agonized to the doctor.

"I'm afraid she is Catatonic Charlie. It means she doesn't eat, drink, shower, bathe, move, talk and barely breathes. You can't really cure it-"

I stopped listening then "Catatonic" hey? No cure I was to be like this forever? Well it seemed like forever already and life wasn't worth living anymore so Fine, bring it on a life of nothingness it's better than trying to live.

My mind clouded over with thought for next however many hours or days it was, then I was brought back to consciousness as Charlie was ending a phone call, When had he made that, how long had he been on the phone for, Oh well, who cares.

"Yeah. I'm really worried. I think it will help. We may as well try _anything_ is better than what she is doing now! Ok see you soon, Thank you. Bye"

What was he talking about? Was that me he was talking about? My mind was too preoccupied to think it through thoroughly and I drifted back out of consciousness...

_Even I didn't expect what I did next..._

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_**Do you like this chapter? Please Review it is my first story so tell me What you think! You read and Reveiw mine I will R&R yours xx**_

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